Big Day of Family...

Exceptions for tomorrow....I'm nervous... it will be the first time I've been out in public where there is actually going to be people who will know me....who will have known me for years...who know what I used to look like, what can see what I look like now...people who know what I'm going though.  It's probably going to be a little tough...but I'll be surround by these people who love me and love the little girl who's truly special day it is going to be.  

I love my family.  I know that my family loves me... each of them in their own unique and special way.  I'm so looking forward to spending the day with extended family tomorrow in celebration of my niece.  I think it is a huge honor to be asked to be a God Parent.  Each time I've been blessed to be asked to be a Godmother it has made me feel so special, I feel like my heart has just an extra special spot in my heart to hold a little extra love for that particular child that no other could possible fill.   Tomorrow will be no exception.

It's really been one of those weeks...

Sorry I have not responded to any of your emails or anything as of yet. I've had the worst week. Ended up at MGH yesterday with my hubby to manage pain and dehydration issues. Still don't feel like myself, but feeling a bit better. Able to get my son on the school but this morning which was a HUGE accomplishment. I'm currently having a hard time functioning on many different levels. Everything seems to make me nausea and dizzy these days.... can't really use computer, tv, be a passenger in a car, talking even makes me dizzy. I love you all very mucha dn please know how much a appreciate the support you've all given me. I'm very far behind on Thank You cards for all the wonderful items people have been so generous so share with me. Please know that I will get to it and I apreciate ALL of you support. Hopefully within then next few days I will see a huge improvement.

I will not cry...

over hair....I will not cry over hair....I will not cry over hair...

Two more days till round two...

Can't believe it has been about 5 days since I last posted.  Not much has changed except my hair is REALLY starting to come out now.  Its funny I was initially prepared for it to come out, then people started saying "oh maybe you won't lose your hair" and I got that in my head that maybe I would not lose my hair, so now that it is truly starting to fall out I'm a little bit panicked.

I've got a phone call in to my Ins company to find out how much they cover for a wig but like everything with ins companies it's taking them forever to get back to me.  I don't even know how much I want to wear a wig...I'm thinking it will be itchy but I guess I would just like to have the option.  Especially for any events that may come up with Pauls school or other activities. 

Some of the "old"  I mean "sassy" High School girlfriends came by for a visit on Saturday which was very nice.  Although while the girls were drinking Cocovino, I was drinking diet pepsi and when they left I was wired and up till about 12:30.  Normally this would not be to bad cause I can sleep in on Sundays but it was Cub Scout Day at Church, and lets be honest, figured I should probably start putting in some face time at Church.  I was so proud of us for making Mass.  Husband had to work, so Paul and I went alone, but we'll take work whenever we can get it. 

I go back for actual Chemo treatment on Wednesday...totally not looking forward to it but know it must be done.  Maureen and I are going to try and plan a little bit better this time.  Maybe get more than 5 hours of sleep prior to and perhaps eat breakfast before we go instead of our usual coffee and muffins.    I'm nervous that I'm going to feel the same way I felt last time, but I have to keep telling myself that it passed after a few days or so.  Starting to feel pretty good on a regular basis so I just don't want to go back to feeling yucky again. 

I'll try and post from my actual appt if I can on Wednesday, if I don't post at all on Wednesday you know I'm feeling like poop and I'll post as soon as I'm able to. 

Thanks again for all of the support.  I'll try and take some photo's if I get to wig/hat shopping this week...should be good for a few laughs :-)

XOXOXO - Barbara

Blood Counts and Wig Shopping

So I had follow-up #2 yesterday (but you already knew this right, cause it was snowing) and everything went well.  It was a very optimistic appointment.   My White Blood Cell count is low, which is to be expected, but something we need to keep a close eye on.  Unfortunately it is low enough that I was told to cancel my root canal scheduled for the 7th.  I'll get more blood work done on the 9th and if things look good then I should be able to have the root canal done on the 11th.  What a freaking nightmare...who knew I'd want to have a root canal done so bad.  I just want to be done with it already.   

I have actually gained 1 lb in the last week so keeping track that means I've only lost 3 lbs since starting Chemo which I'm pretty happy with.  I'm trying to keep on as much weight as I can for now so that when I get my surgery the weight loss I experience won't be too drastic.   I guess for once in my life being overweight is going to come in a little handy.  Been feeling a bit more pain this week so the Dr. has decided to put some more pain meds.  Been getting sick a bit as well but the Dr. seems to think this is more anxiety/stress related then it is with the Chemo.  Again I guess no matter how well you "think" you are dealing with things sometimes your body will tell you how it really is.

I've started a new craft project and I'm making myself 9 bracelets.  Periwinkle is the color for stomach cancer so that is the color I'm going with.  I'll start out with all the bracelets on one arm and as I make it through each week of Chemo I'll switch the bracelet over to my other wrist.   I did not come up with this idea on my own, I saw bracelets online for Breast Cancer but really there is not much out there for Stomach Cancer which is why I figured  I'd create my own.  It is very therapeutic and for my first try at jewelry making I think they are coming out pretty good.  I still have 6 more to make.

Like clock-work I noticed yesterday in the shower that a significantly larger amount of hair than usual is coming out.  So I guess this is the beginning to the end of my hair as it is. I'm hoping that it will thin out nicely and not come out in clumps.  I'm going to keep it as long as it is only thinning but if it does start to come out in clumps it's getting shaved off.  Looks like wig/hat shopping just jumped to the top of my priorities list.  Any suggestions on which stores have some good hats please feel free to share.

XOXOXO

Random Thoughts...Week 2 coming to an End

I've been fortunate to hear from many friends from my past over the last few weeks with wonderful words of encouragement and support.  It is so nice to hear from people.  I have to say I'm surprised by the people I have not heard from, and I do mean surprised, not disappointed.  I know everyone deals with things differently but I'm just surprised, people that you think you'll hear from you don't  and people you maybe were not even thinking you'd hear from step up and are there for you.  All and all I'm so lucky for the amazing people I have supporting me and my family.

I know I have cancer, but I still don't know when it is going to actually sink in. Its crazy how constant it is on my mind yet sometimes I still don't believe it.  Then I'll be doing something normal...like when I'm scrubbing the toilet, and I think to myself really I'm scrubbing the toilet...I have cancer this seems wrong.  But I guess someone has to do it :-)

This past week has been better than the week before even though I got sick twice. I think my tooth sometimes in hurting me more than anything else, I'm actually looking forward to my root canal on the 7th.  I hope I can make it that long.  Doing better eating and I have my second follow up with the oncologist tomorrow.  Hoping I get good results from my blood work.  Oh...if ever your wondering when I have my Dr appts usually if it is snowing...I have an appointment.  Had one today but needed to cancel since school got out early.

Had to take little Paul for an MRI at Children's last week, trying to rule out some issues he has been having with his stomach.  He has been having some issues for a few months now and has his own GI  specialist but since my diagnosis we are being a bit more aggressive to get to the bottom of his issues.  The MRI results all came back normal.  Poor guy needs to start taking some acid reflux medicine, and then in 8 weeks have an endoscopy done.  Now for those of you following along at home,  eight weeks from now is approximately when I need to go in for my surgery.  Paul's Dr. is going to work with us the best he can so that little Paul can have his endoscopy done before my surgery so I can be there for him.   Yup just keep piling it on...we can take it.
I'm coming up on the two week mark for where it is possible for me to start loosing my hair.  I must admit I'm nervous about it.  I'm sure it will be fine once it is all gone just need to make sure I take care of it right away once it does start falling out.  I'm nervous about eyebrows and eyelashes.  I have a hard enough time helping fill-in what I have for eyebrows now, and I've never worn false eyelashes, may need some guidance putting them on.  It will be an adjustment I'm sure.  I worry about how my son is going to react.  I'm sure he will be fine but I think he is concerned what other people will say or how his friends will react.   When i ask him about loosing all my hair he says he thinks it's "creepy".  Guess I'll have to work on that.

I'll keep you posted on my appt tomorrow...until then stay warm and safe.
XOXOX - B