1 Year Anniversary

So today marks my one year anniversary for receiving my diagnosis of gastric cancer.  I can't believe what a year it has been.   Looking back on it I can't believe all that has taken place.  Laparoscopy, Power Port placement, 9 weeks of Chemotherapy, Gastrectomy, 5 more weeks of Chemo, 5 weeks of radiation,  placement of J-Tube for tube feedings, weeks of hospital stays, 3 Emergency Room Visits, Rehabilitation, and way too many days of nausea and vomiting then I care to count.  Phew its been a long one. 

There have been many ups and downs.  I can remember how happy I was after the laparoscopy when we found out the cancer had not spread to any other areas in my abdomen.  The disappointing news that my margins were not clear after the gastrectomy.  I think these ups and downs are just going to be a part of my life moving forward.   It is going to be necessary to get CT Scans moving forward to determine if the cancer has returned and waiting for and receiving those results each time will be difficult.  I just have to learn to take one day at a time and not let this control my life.  Easier said then done I'm sure.

I am still on my road to recovery.  I've gained about 20lbs since leaving rehab in October.  My oncologist wants me to gain another 20lbs before they will let me remove the feeding tube.  Still on "the tube" 18 hours a day, and I'm still trying to eat more.  I used to live to eat.  Now I really need to learn to eat to live and I'm finding it a struggle.

I have learned so much about myself and others over the past year.  Older friends that I had not heard from in years have come forward and shown me such love and support as well as my newer friends where our relationships have quickly grown.  Then there are my friends and family that have been with me all along.  Without their continued support this year would have been so difficult. I can truly say I know who my friends are.  It still amazes me how generous people are donating their time and energy, providing meals, driving me to my appointments, visiting me in the hospital, and the financial support people have given my family and I;  it has just been overwhelming and we are very grateful for all of it.   I think I'm strong and other times know I need to be stronger; I'd be lying if I said there were not times I just wanted to give up.  But I think of my family and all the people I have pulling for me and I know I must move forward.  Through all of this my marriage has strengthened,  and my relationship with my son has become even more special to me if that is even possible.  I try not to let any opportunity go by where I can tell people exactly how I feel and hopefully I'm doing a better job of letting those I love know just how much I love them.  

Thank you all for your support and for hanging in there with me and this blog.  I've appreciated all the encouragement and kind words from all of you, believe me it has helped.  Until next time remember whatever it is you're going through that today is not forever.  We can do this.

Love - Barbara

November

It was mentioned to me tonight that someone checks my blog weekly and I have not been updating it so I figured I'd get everyone up to date.  Basically things are going well.  I'm on the tube feeding 18 hours a day, I cherish the 6 hours that I get a break from it. My last appointment I was told that I would probably be on it for a few months.   I know that I need it, but it is a big pain in the arse to have to lug my "backpack" around everywhere.  It seems to be working though, I'm slowly gaining some weight back.  According to my scale at home I'm almost up 10lbs since I left Spaulding.  I still really need to work on my eating and drinking though.  I've been sticking to soups for the most part and it's getting old really fast.  I had one more trip to the ER since I last posted.  My tube got clogged and while trying to unblock it I managed to make the tube explode.   Thankfully it was a somewhat easy fix, they slide the old tube out and slide a new one in.  Hurt like hell but at least I did not have to stay in the hospital or have surgery.  For that I am very thankful.  I don't have another appointment until the middle of December so I may not update until then.  Unless of course something exciting happens between now and then, but lets hope nothing does :-)  Until then take care ~ Barbara

Made it a week...

Made it an entire week without having to go back into the hospital.  Well i guess that  is not entirely true, I did have an appointment at MGH, but just routine.  Oh and wait my feeding tube got blocked on Tuesday and even though my Aunt and I tried to clear it, and the Visiting Nurse and I tried to clear it we were unsuccessful.  This required that I go to the Emergency Room to have it cleared.  After waiting 4 hours they were able to clear it in less than 10 minutes using the same process I had used with my Aunt and the Nurse.  Next time I'll stay home for four hours and just try and do it myself.   I need to make sure I keep it flushed so that it does not happen again.  So I guess I was way off with my first sentence, what was I thinking, a week without a hospital visit, your so silly Barbara.  Anyways, other than that the week was truly uneventful.  I've only been sick a handful of times which is really good for me.  I'm able to eat small amounts of food.  For now the plan is just to stay on the tube feed and keep eating for the next two weeks and then we will re-access the situation.  As always thanks for reading and keeping me in your thoughts.  XOXOX  Barbara

The Latest..

Hello everyone!
Needless to say it has been a very difficult month to say the least.  Moved out of MGH yesterday over to Spaulding Rehab in Cambridge.  I'm hoping that I won't need to stay here very long and that I'll be able to get home and have a visiting nurse there with PT/OT.  I've unfortunately dropped more weight, who'd of ever thunk I'd get down to 106lbs??? Crazy huh?

I've had my ups and downs this past month as I'm sure you can imagine, some days better than others.  It's
difficult for me to talk on the phone with people because it makes me emotional.  I love the fact that I have so many friends and family supporting me and believe me I think about it all the time and it helps me get by.  Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  My biggest wish is to get home, being away from my boys for a month is breaking my heart.  My sisters have been amazingly supportive the past few days especially, I've been sad, angry and at times down right mean, that goodness they are stuck with me. 
Same goes for my husband, I know I can get pretty nasty with him when I'm sad or down and he is always good to me.

So I don't know how much access I'll have to a computer but I know a lot of you have sent me emails and messages, I will answer them but it may take me some time to get to them.

I love you guys and I'm trying to to stay strong believe me.  It's been tough but I just need to make over this next hump.  Lots of Love - Barbara

Back in the Hospital....again

So I'm back in the hospital again, have been here since Wednesday.  What prompted this stay....well the majority of my family saw me the past Saturday and were horrified by how much weight of lost.  So I came in to find out what could be done.  Wednesday they kept me on NPO (no liquids and no food by mouth) thinking I may have a procedure done on Thursday; they decided about 8pm that nothing would happen on Thursday.  Thursday involved me being visited by just about all the teams in the hospital.  The surgical team from my stomach removal, social services, pysch, physical therapy, the dietitian.  Everyone is pretty much in agreement that I need some assistance with my nutrition.  Supposed to get tube inserted today by radiology and they kept me NPO all day to only find out at 4:30 that they changed their mind. Apparently they are not comfortable placing the tube so now it is going to require a little surgery to have one put in.  Cause you know a girl cannot have to many scars on her abdomen. Plan is for them to place the feeding tube on Monday - oh joy - better not have to have an NG tube. So I'll be here for at least a few days afterwards.  I've only been here 3 days and I'm already going out of my mind.  I have access to FB so feel free to email /post to me, I'm sure it will help pass the time.  Thanks Everyone and I hope you all have a great weekend!  - Love Barbara

Good News

CT Scan resulted in No Evidence of Disease

I'm one happy lady right now.

We still have a long road ahead of us but this is the best possible news that we could have received yesterday.  For now we are going to see if over the next three weeks I can get better control of my eating and get some exercise in and then we will make a decision about moving forward with anymore chemo.  For now we are just going to enjoy the news and as we have been take it one day at a time.

Quick and Light

The week is coming to an end, read my mini-vacation is almost over.  I have loved spending time with my Sister and her family.  So lucky to have them and for them to be so supportive.  My little guy has LOVED having siblings for the week.  The kids all get along so well I don't think there has been a single harsh word spoken all week.  Was going to say I'm so lucky that they are such good kids but it is not luck at all.  How does the saying go you "reap what you sow", they are great kids who have wonderful parents and it shows. 

Today is a big day out for me.  Going shopping for some new undergarments for which I am in desperate need.  The weight loss is starting to catch up to me and my wiggle room is diminishing.  Plus I've been informed that I should not be using my bra for a pocketbook (how's that for a visual) now that there is so much extra room in there.  One of the nurses was laughing at me at MGH the other day about it so I think it is time for some new ones.

Its amazing the little things that get me excited these days.  We took the kids to Peaceful Meadows yesterday and I actually got a frozen sherbet frappe type thing.  It was so yummy and it felt like I was drinking so much of it and I was thinking to myself I'm going overboard.  Yet I open up the cup and I've barely had any.  I'm really going to need to adjust my "eyes bigger than my stomach" perception.  Apparently it is WAY out of whack.

Well thats all for now just wanted to share something on a lighter note...hope everyone is having a great week and is enjoying the weather. 

Also please feel free to comment or just chit chat back and forth with me here....it totally gives me something to do ;-)

I'm Back.....

Feel like every time I start a blog I'm saying "it's been  a while since I last posted".  Funny how time is flying  by, yet also feels like it is dragging at the same time (if that even makes sense). 

As most of you know I spent some time in the hospital last week.  Nothing major, it was basically because of dehydration and my lack of eating.  I think I was a little naive when it came to my radiation treatments.  5 weeks every single day, but when you get radiation it is like going in for an x-ray.  It does not hurt at all; you just lay there on a table, some loud  noises go off and then your done, no big deal right?  What I was not factoring in was the havoc the radiation was actually doing to my insides.  They warned me that it would get worse before it got better and of course they were right, but for some reason it was just not "clicking" with me.  I should have noticed the signs...my throat really started to bother me and I was told I had esophagitis which basically means swollen and irritated esophagus.  Amazing how sensitive it can be;   sometimes it does not take more than a sip of water going down to set me off on a coughing fit, which then turns into me getting sick.  Really it is more annoying then anything else.  Radiation has at least allowed me to finally act like a nurse though.  I'm taking care of my own IV at home now for hydration.  It's pretty straight forward and simple (I think they will let just about anyone do it at home).  It's just time consuming taking 4 hours just to get 1 liter of fluid in (at the hospital they do it in 2 hours).  So I have a leash for 4 hours everyday.  I keep saying that my muscles are going to be lopsided because I move the IV pole around with my right arm and my left is neglected ;-)  I'll look like one of those arm-wrestlers with one really strong side and a week side.

I've been spending the last few days with my sister and her family which has been nice.  I get friendly reminders that I have not been drinking or I have not had anything to eat, because strangely enough I need those types of reminders.   It is actually comforting to have your own private nurse taking care of you. 

The 4th of July has snuck up on me, I thought we had an entire week ahead of us before the 4th.  As usual our family will be heading to Houghs Neck to Mom & Dads for the 4th.  Should be an interesting day to say the least.  The holiday for my family usually revolves around having a few cocktails and non-stop eating all day so I will be a very different one for me this year.  What matters though is I'll surrounded by people I love and who love me back.  I always knew I was lucky for the people I have in my life but it's just so amazing how much you can feel the love right when you seem to need it the most. 

I don't have any "important" appointments for a few weeks as they are giving me sometime to recuperate from the last round of radiation/chemo.  I would imagine at this point that I won't start chemo therapy again until the end of July and that it will last about 8 weeks.  I'll update as I can.  In the meantime I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful 3rd & 4th of July.

God Bless the USA!!

Almost 1/2 Way

It's been a while since  I last wrote, thanks for the reminder DD.  I'm almost half way thorough my 5 weeks of Chemo/Radiation.  First week went really well.  Second week not so good, I feel nauseated all the time on some level.  Some days worse than others.  But all and all I'd take this round of treatment over my last round of chemo any day.  I've still been driving myself and after tomorrow will have made my goal of driving myself for the first 3 weeks.  Weeks 4 & 5 I'll be counting on family and friends for helping me get to MGH on time.    

Been spending a lot of time sleeping lately.  But I also managed to make it to a Yoga class at MGH for cancer patients/survivors.  I find it very relaxing.  Think it is something I need to slowly bring back into my life.  Still actually sore from the surgery, I feel bruised on the inside around the incision.  I guess radiation can irritate the scar tissue so I just need to take whatever I end up doing slowly.  Lost a little more weight than the Drs. want.  Down 5 more lbs since starting but trying really hard to maintain and not lose anymore.  The lining of your esophagus (food pipe) is sensitive to radiation and may become inflamed and sore during treatments (a condition called esophagitis), the doctors think I may now have this as well.  It should go away once I stop radiation.  Other than this everything is the same with us...karate, baseball, play dates, birthday parties, and cub scout events.

I figured with a lot of time on my hands in the car I should listen to some old cds.  Yup I'll sing full force in the car and I don't care who's watching.  Found one cd that I've played over and over again,  still can, and enjoy it.  One of the songs really touched me yesterday (as well as I can remember here are some of the words)..

If you lose your faith babe, you can have mine
If you're lost I'm right behind, cause we walk the same line
When its dark baby, there's a light I'll shine
Cause if your lost I'm right behind, cause we walk the same line

If these troubles should vanish like rain at midday,
well have no doubt there'll be more
We can't run and we can't cheat
Cause baby when we meet what we're afraid of
We'll find out what we're made of

Hope you all have a great weekend.  I'll try and update within the next two weeks.  Please feel free to comment, I love hearing from you.

Barbara

Phase 3

Hello Everyone,

Hope this post finds you all well.  I wish I could say I hope your enjoying the wonderful spring weather we've been having but as you know rain, rain, rain.  But of course it's raining and is going to rain all week, I've started phase 3 of my treatments.  Just like before whenever I had to go into MGH and it was snowing now I've got the rain.  Not complaining though, because I'm so glad that it is not snow anymore, rain I can handle.
So I started chemo and radiation yesterday (2 days down only 23 more to go).  The question I'm being asked the most about Radiation is "does it hurt".  It currently does not hurt at all.  It's just like laying on a hard table and getting an x-ray.  They've told me the side effects are accumulative so fatigue and nausea will get more substantial as I receive my treatments.  I have radiation treatments 5 days a week so I'm putting some mileage on the old 4-Runner.  I've also now been tethered to a chemo pump, 24 hours a day for 5 days a week.  The "pouch" they gave me to carry it in was huge.  Reminded me of the old school tape recorders, a big rectangular box.  I've since upgraded and placed it in a fanny pack that I had lying around the house (see I always knew it would come in handy one day).  It makes it a little bit easier to carry it around.
Eating is going as well as can be expected.  I am noticing that my appetite is dwindling since being  hooked up to my "leash" but I am trying to force myself to eat as much as I can.
I've made a promise to myself and my boys that moving forward I'm going to do my best to be as positive as I can be.  Most of you know I'm a control freak so not being in complete control of what is going on with me and my health is a little bit difficult to deal with.  So I'm going to try and control what I can...look into taking some yoga classes and perhaps meditation.  Once the rains stops I'd like to get out and do some walking, let me know if your around and care to join me.  Part of my being positive comes from knowing I have so many of you praying and pulling for me.   Please know how much I appreciate it.  I'm so very lucky that my life has been touched by so many of you.  I've received so much kindness and caring, it's just amazing.

I AM SO GRATEFUL!

Until next time my friends - XOXOXOX

Barbara

Now is Not Forever

Dear Family and Friends,

It has been a while since I last wrote.  Really up unitl now I did not have much to report.  I've been recovering well from my surgery while at home.  Had my 21 staples removed and my incision is looking as good as it can be.  My diet now consists of foods that I can tolerate, which is a learn as you go type of diet.  So far so good, not to many instances of getting sick so overall I feel I'm doing very well.  To look at me I don't think you'd necessarily be able to tell that just 3+ short weeks ago I had major surgery.

With that being said I had my follow-up with my oncologist yesterday.  Unfortunately the pathology results from my surgery were not quite what we were hoping for.  My margins were not clear which means that there is a high probability that there is still some cancer remaining.  This means that starting 5/16 I will begin another 5 weeks of chemo therapy in conjunction with radiation.  Once that is completed, depending on how it goes, they want to follow-up with more chemo therapy.  If you remember from the beginning of all of this I told you my type of cancer is a sneaky bastard and this is why they need to treat me so aggressively now however; they do feel that with this type the chances of it coming back is 50%.  My plans is still to "fight like a girl" and just take it one day at a time.  Am I looking forward to it...absolutely not.  Am I going to do my best to get through this all, you bet your ass.

I met a man last week at Whole Foods of all places and he shared a personal story with me.  At the end of our conversation he left me with something to remember..."Now is Not Forever" and I try to remember that everyday. 

Thank you all so much for all the love and support and caring you have provided to me throughout this journey of mine.  I will never be able to express the comfort it gives me and how much it lifts my spirits everyday knowing I have so many wonderfully caring people behind me.

I'll try and keep you posted the best I can.

Love - XOXOXOXO 
Barbara

Thanks

I am finally home and certainly there is no place like it. 
I'd like to take a moment to thank Kelli for keeping you all updated here on the blog while I was in the hospital.  Not to mention all the visits she paid to me while I was there, even though I can't say I completely remember all of them.

I had some major pain issues in the beginning of the week and to be quite honest most of it is a blur to me.   As Kelli mentioned my biggest complaint was the NG tube.  I would not wish it on my worst enemy.  Once they finally took it out on Thursday I felt like a new person.  I was also able to get my foley out on Thursday so it was a pretty big day for me.  I was left with only one IV leash which they then removed on Friday. 

It's great to be home but also a little scary.  I have a long road ahead of me, and to be honest it is going to be a lot tougher than I originally thought.  Right now my diet consists of clear liquids and some full liquids (milk, pudding, etc.).  So far I'm doing OK with this.  You don't realize how much your life revolves around food until you can't have it.  It's tough as a family when one out of three can't eat, I feel bad for my husband because I know he feels bad eating around me, but he has to.  The big goal right now is to remain hydrated which sounds a lot easier then it really is but I'm trying.  Follow up appointment with Surgeon on Thursday and I'll also be meeting with a dietitian that day as well to help me when I'm able to move forward with my diet.  Need to get my strength up for my next round of chemo.  

I'll do my best to keep you all updated.  Thanks again for all the love and support.

Barbara

The Penthouse Suite

Just got home from another visit to the penthouse suite at MGH. Barbara is hangin' in there but still having some pain issues. Now, after having your stomach removed, one would understand a certain amount of pain but Barbara's biggest complaint is the pain in her throat not in her stomach. During surgery it is common to be on a breathing tube. After you wake up you usually start eating ice chips or sipping water right away so most people have a slight sore throat that goes away quickly. In Barbara's case she is not allowed to have fluids right away plus she has an NG Tube that is irritating her throat too. Both of these factors are contributing to the pain. Luckily, when we were leaving tonight, the nurse had just been cleared to bring Barbara a throat spray and some lozenges that should help. Barbara met with her surgeon today and the surgeon agreed that as long as no fever arises they will remove the tube on Thursday. I pity the fever that gets in the way of taking that tube out. There will be one pissed of patient in the penthouse suite!


Your Guest Blogger,
Kelli G.

Diamonds & Tiaras

This afternoon I went to visit Barbara. She had just woke up from a little nap. Well earned I must say because she had been up and walking this morning. The nurses told Barbara it would be good for her to walk in her room, to see if she could make it from the bed to the door. Barbara walked all the way to the nurses' station. After her nap she sat up in a chair for a while and she and I and Randi had a nice visit. After we had been there for a little while Barbara told us to close our eyes. When she told us to open them Barbara was sporting a tiara, complete with a star that lights up in the middle!


Your Guest Blogger,
Kelli G.

Opening Day: Barbara 1, Cancer 0

If you are someone who follows this blog regularly then you have probably been waiting patiently for news about Barbara today. It is my great pleasure to give you some good news. Barbara made it through her surgery today like a trooper. The surgeon removed her stomach and reported that there was very little residual tumor after chemo. All in all things could not have gone better. They are now trying to make Barbara comfortable and settle her in for the night. Barbara and her family would like to make sure you all know how much they appreciate all the prayers and support.


Your guest blogger,
Kelli G.

Opening Day...

Takes on a totally different meaning when you opening your abdomen to take our stomach out.  So today is the day.  Am I scared you better believe it but I'm going to act like I'm not and get through this like a Kelley girl, minus the tears.  I am ready for this and have been waiting for it since the day I was diagnosed but it's a bit scary now that it is here. 
I will do my best to update my blog while I'm in the hospital to keep everyone informed as to what is going on during the next week or so.  Might even have some "GUEST" bloggers to help me out and keep you posted.  So until the next time know how much I love your love and support.  I'll be thinking of all of you and how lucky I am to have so much support. 
Look out MGH....here I come....

Hospital Stay

I'm actually looking forward to surgery and getting this thing out of my body.  After completing clinicals I think I'm more nervous for my time there afterwards.  Sometimes I wish this had happened before I went to nursing school.  How silly is it that I'm already starting to think what I should bring with me. The only time I've ever stayed in the hospital is when I had my son, talk about two different extremes.

I had my pre-op appointment last week and it went well.  I have to be in for surgery on Friday the 8th at 11:30am.  Opening Day...lucky me.  If I remember correctly from my laparoscopy, they have you come in super early for your appointment.   All the usual...can't eat after midnight the night before but then I guess I can't eat or drink for 5 days after the surgery.  Yeah pretty much I think that might suck.  Perhaps I should use it as training and apply for Survivor after this. 

I'll try and post again before Friday, going to try and have someone update my blog for me while I'm incapable but then hope to have my laptop with me.  I'm sure I'll have great stories from the hospital.

XOXOXO
Barbara

News for the day...

So the news is there has been no visable spreading that they can see from the CT Scan so my surgery for complete gastric removal will be next Friday the 8th.  There is a slight chance that when they actually get into my abdomen they may see something that has spread, if that is the case then they will leave my stomach in there and close me up.  This however is highly unlikely.  The minimum I will be in the hospital will be 4-7 days.  Believe me I'll be doing my best to get out as quick as possible.  Have my pre-op appt tomorrow, you know, cause it's going to be snowing. 
Thanks for all the good thoughts and love that was sent my way today.  Believe me I could feel it.  I have to admit I was very nervous about my results today and this is the best news we could have received all things considered. 
Love and Kisses to you all,

Barbara

Big Day...

Gotta put on my big girl pants today and go to my doctor appointment(s).  Its a big one folks...I'll keep you posted.

XOXOXO
Barbara

Thanks

Wow, I don’t even know where to begin.  First I would like thank the super extremely hard working group of “white fight shirts”. All the work they did Saturday night was just a smidgen of the work they put into the fund raiser contributing to its being such a success and good time for everyone.   Maureen H, Nancy C, Maureen O, Kelli G ,Colleen B, Kristin C, Judy T, Patty S, Debbie R.  My Mom and my Dad, both of my brother in-laws John H, Jimmy C, and some other sweet husbands and men in my life…Michael O, John B, Brian T.  Also a big thanks to those of you who traveled all night to be there.

The night was so amazing.  I have to admit I was completely pooped about ½ ways through the night but I was determined to stay as long as I could.  I feel bad; I think there were complete tables that I did not get a chance to talk to.  If you were there and we did not touch base I apologize.  Believe me I tried so hard to say thank you and hello to everyone, it just seemed impossible, like people were multiplying.  I really cannot say thank you enough to everyone who donated, made baskets, brought food, secured gift certificates.  It was astonishing. 

Co-workers, Biker “dudes”, friends, 1^st boyfriend evah from 5^th grade, clinical instructors from nursing school, not to mention nursing school classmates, older life long friends, newer friends, family and friends of family, neighbors, neighbors cousins, it’s just nuts.  What a mix of people but it appeared that everyone got along and had a good night. 

Aside from being a little tired yesterday I think I did well physically, even managed to take a walk around the block with my boy yesterday which was long overdue.  Mentally how I’m handling things is a totally different situation.  How many times can I say I’m so lucky, with all the support and love I’ve been receiving its crazy and I think no matter who you are you can’t help but be overwhelmed by it all.  Waiting for results to find out if you cancer has spread of if you can get the surgery you so desperately want.  Again….nuts.

Had to take the little guy for his endoscopy today, of course he was amazing and a trooper the entire time.  Bad news is we have to wait 7-10 days for results.  So now not only are we waiting on my CT Scan results we are waiting for his results as well.  Talk about a family on eggshells.  As soon as I know anything (on either of us) I’ll do my best to blog it.

Again thank you to everyone who had anything to do with Saturday night.  It was a huge success and I’m forever grateful to all who were there and all who made it happen.

Love - Barbara

So I thought...

That once I stopped taking the chemo pills I'd feel better.  Well once again in this "drama" I was wrong.  Still feeling a bit yucky, nausea kicks in quite frequently and not much of an appetite.  But still trying to get fluids in and eat as much as I can.   For those of you playing at home remember NO MEAT today.  Made a tuna casserole, although I already ate meat today.  But I'm trying to get protein in and meat is sometimes the best way for me.  Gaining weight but still very tired all the time.  Even sometimes doing the smallest of things makes me pooped.

So I know that there is a benefit this weekend for me and my family but that is about all I know.  Where to be and the time.  I have to admit I'm a little, maybe even more than a little nervous and anxious.  It's going to be strange to see so many people supporting us, I'm sure it will be emotional.  I wish going into this I had information about my current health "status" but I'm in limbo until my appt next week on the 31st. 

I hope everyone has a nice weekend and I'll try and post again early next week with any new information.
Thank You - Barbara

CT Scans...No more CHEMO!!!

Had my abdominal and chest CT Scan today at MGH.  Thank you Kelli for being my driver and for all of your help today.  Today is also the LAST day I have to take my Chemo Pills.  I'm so excited.  I'm very optimistic that once I stop taking them I'll start feeling better and better each day. 

As I think I mentioned before I will not get my results from today's CT Scans until next Friday.  Basically we need to know if the cancer has spread or not.   If it has not then surgery; if it has spread more chemo.

So I'm going to spend the next few days trying to keep myself busy and catch up on things that need to be addressed.  Thanks again for all the love and support.  I'll keep you all posted as soon as I get any information. 

Barbara

Past week...or so

I have been feeling so much better over the last few days, its almost like I'm a new person.  IV fluids rock!  I still need to be careful of overdoing it, which is very easy to do,  but I'm able to eat and get and keep fluids down so I'm a happy girl right now. 

Had a small boys only bday party (old school at our house) over the weekend for Pauls birthday which is coming up this week.  Could not have gone better.  Love the fact that my son has picked amazing friends with just as amazing parents who are so easy to be around.  I love my small group of Bridgewater friends. 

Little guy is scheduled for his endoscopy for the 28th at Childrens.  Hopefully my Dr. office will not schedule anything for me that day cause I'll have to miss it.  No way am I not going to be there for Pauls procedure.  My CT scans are on the 22nd but my appt with both oncologists and then the surgeon are not until the 31st.  I don't think its unreasonable that I should want to find out faster than a week and a half if my cancer has spread or not jeez.  I may just go nuts and send my oncologist an email or something....to me it just seems like a long time to have to wait.   I just want to get this surgery done for crying out loud, felt I was ready to have it on 12/30.

This week has been up and down as far as how I've been feeling but I get to stop taking my chemo meds next Tuesday so I'm soooo excited that there is a possibility I'll have more good days than yucky days. 

I was very proud of myself for eating a cheeseburger today...first one in months and then remembered an hour later that it is Friday during Lent..dohhhh.  I figure its a good sign at least that I remembered and felt a little bad about it but I'm sure I'll be forgiven for it. 

Hope everyone has a great weekend! 
As always thansks so much for all the well wishes and support, I'm greatful for it, every bit.  
XOXO Barbara

Last infusion...for now

Beginning to see the light at the end of this very first tunnel.  I had my final infusion chemotherapy treatment a week ago today.  Honestly even writing that makes me feel nausea (yup just got sick).  More than usual this time I have not been feeling all that great.  Since last Wednesday I've had to go back to the hospital twice to receive IV fluids, because unfortunately getting fluids in and keeping them in has been quite the challenge this time.  Good news is....I'm hopefully done with infusion chemo for some time; still on daily chemo meds though for the next few weeks).  Bad news is...I managed to loose 10 lbs. in the past week which unfortunately for me is not considered cool anymore :-(  

Some of my newer side-effects that are kicking in....I have the shakes, making it difficult to type; there was definitely something going on with my walking ability, don't know what it is or even how to explain it well.  The stupid issues with the cold are going to drive me insane.   It is getting very painful waiting for the school bus (plus I look a little foolish bundled up like Nanook).

Appointment went pretty well today.  Next on the agenda....CT Scans...follow-up with my "Team" of specialists (that's right I have my own team).  Hopefully after that surgery.  Yeah,  I'm actually looking forward to surgery because I was told today that if it has spread at all then I may have to do more chemo first.  Right now that is the very last thing in the world I want to have to do.   So keep your fingers crossed.

I have one more bracelet to make for week 9 but I promised my son he could make it for me so I hope to get that done this weekend, as soon as I do I'll try and take a picture to post his masterpiece.  We told him today that I was going to have to get surgery, not sure how much it has sunk in.  What prompted us to tell him.  Back in August I dvr'd that show Boston Medical...well since I'm finally catching up on some television watching now I watched an episode today and my surgeon was a featured Dr.   As if I didn't love him already, I do even more after watching the episode.  Plus it didn't hurt that the gentleman who was his patient (with colon cancer) is a Cancer Survivor!!!  Makes you feel good.

I lot of you have told me you use the blog to stay updated and I really appreciate it and I'll try and do a better job of updating it more frequently....but be careful what you wish for..LOL

As always thanks for all the love and support!
There is no possible way in the world I can express how much it means to me!

Barbara

Big Day of Family...

Exceptions for tomorrow....I'm nervous... it will be the first time I've been out in public where there is actually going to be people who will know me....who will have known me for years...who know what I used to look like, what can see what I look like now...people who know what I'm going though.  It's probably going to be a little tough...but I'll be surround by these people who love me and love the little girl who's truly special day it is going to be.  

I love my family.  I know that my family loves me... each of them in their own unique and special way.  I'm so looking forward to spending the day with extended family tomorrow in celebration of my niece.  I think it is a huge honor to be asked to be a God Parent.  Each time I've been blessed to be asked to be a Godmother it has made me feel so special, I feel like my heart has just an extra special spot in my heart to hold a little extra love for that particular child that no other could possible fill.   Tomorrow will be no exception.

It's really been one of those weeks...

Sorry I have not responded to any of your emails or anything as of yet. I've had the worst week. Ended up at MGH yesterday with my hubby to manage pain and dehydration issues. Still don't feel like myself, but feeling a bit better. Able to get my son on the school but this morning which was a HUGE accomplishment. I'm currently having a hard time functioning on many different levels. Everything seems to make me nausea and dizzy these days.... can't really use computer, tv, be a passenger in a car, talking even makes me dizzy. I love you all very mucha dn please know how much a appreciate the support you've all given me. I'm very far behind on Thank You cards for all the wonderful items people have been so generous so share with me. Please know that I will get to it and I apreciate ALL of you support. Hopefully within then next few days I will see a huge improvement.

I will not cry...

over hair....I will not cry over hair....I will not cry over hair...

Two more days till round two...

Can't believe it has been about 5 days since I last posted.  Not much has changed except my hair is REALLY starting to come out now.  Its funny I was initially prepared for it to come out, then people started saying "oh maybe you won't lose your hair" and I got that in my head that maybe I would not lose my hair, so now that it is truly starting to fall out I'm a little bit panicked.

I've got a phone call in to my Ins company to find out how much they cover for a wig but like everything with ins companies it's taking them forever to get back to me.  I don't even know how much I want to wear a wig...I'm thinking it will be itchy but I guess I would just like to have the option.  Especially for any events that may come up with Pauls school or other activities. 

Some of the "old"  I mean "sassy" High School girlfriends came by for a visit on Saturday which was very nice.  Although while the girls were drinking Cocovino, I was drinking diet pepsi and when they left I was wired and up till about 12:30.  Normally this would not be to bad cause I can sleep in on Sundays but it was Cub Scout Day at Church, and lets be honest, figured I should probably start putting in some face time at Church.  I was so proud of us for making Mass.  Husband had to work, so Paul and I went alone, but we'll take work whenever we can get it. 

I go back for actual Chemo treatment on Wednesday...totally not looking forward to it but know it must be done.  Maureen and I are going to try and plan a little bit better this time.  Maybe get more than 5 hours of sleep prior to and perhaps eat breakfast before we go instead of our usual coffee and muffins.    I'm nervous that I'm going to feel the same way I felt last time, but I have to keep telling myself that it passed after a few days or so.  Starting to feel pretty good on a regular basis so I just don't want to go back to feeling yucky again. 

I'll try and post from my actual appt if I can on Wednesday, if I don't post at all on Wednesday you know I'm feeling like poop and I'll post as soon as I'm able to. 

Thanks again for all of the support.  I'll try and take some photo's if I get to wig/hat shopping this week...should be good for a few laughs :-)

XOXOXO - Barbara

Blood Counts and Wig Shopping

So I had follow-up #2 yesterday (but you already knew this right, cause it was snowing) and everything went well.  It was a very optimistic appointment.   My White Blood Cell count is low, which is to be expected, but something we need to keep a close eye on.  Unfortunately it is low enough that I was told to cancel my root canal scheduled for the 7th.  I'll get more blood work done on the 9th and if things look good then I should be able to have the root canal done on the 11th.  What a freaking nightmare...who knew I'd want to have a root canal done so bad.  I just want to be done with it already.   

I have actually gained 1 lb in the last week so keeping track that means I've only lost 3 lbs since starting Chemo which I'm pretty happy with.  I'm trying to keep on as much weight as I can for now so that when I get my surgery the weight loss I experience won't be too drastic.   I guess for once in my life being overweight is going to come in a little handy.  Been feeling a bit more pain this week so the Dr. has decided to put some more pain meds.  Been getting sick a bit as well but the Dr. seems to think this is more anxiety/stress related then it is with the Chemo.  Again I guess no matter how well you "think" you are dealing with things sometimes your body will tell you how it really is.

I've started a new craft project and I'm making myself 9 bracelets.  Periwinkle is the color for stomach cancer so that is the color I'm going with.  I'll start out with all the bracelets on one arm and as I make it through each week of Chemo I'll switch the bracelet over to my other wrist.   I did not come up with this idea on my own, I saw bracelets online for Breast Cancer but really there is not much out there for Stomach Cancer which is why I figured  I'd create my own.  It is very therapeutic and for my first try at jewelry making I think they are coming out pretty good.  I still have 6 more to make.

Like clock-work I noticed yesterday in the shower that a significantly larger amount of hair than usual is coming out.  So I guess this is the beginning to the end of my hair as it is. I'm hoping that it will thin out nicely and not come out in clumps.  I'm going to keep it as long as it is only thinning but if it does start to come out in clumps it's getting shaved off.  Looks like wig/hat shopping just jumped to the top of my priorities list.  Any suggestions on which stores have some good hats please feel free to share.

XOXOXO

Random Thoughts...Week 2 coming to an End

I've been fortunate to hear from many friends from my past over the last few weeks with wonderful words of encouragement and support.  It is so nice to hear from people.  I have to say I'm surprised by the people I have not heard from, and I do mean surprised, not disappointed.  I know everyone deals with things differently but I'm just surprised, people that you think you'll hear from you don't  and people you maybe were not even thinking you'd hear from step up and are there for you.  All and all I'm so lucky for the amazing people I have supporting me and my family.

I know I have cancer, but I still don't know when it is going to actually sink in. Its crazy how constant it is on my mind yet sometimes I still don't believe it.  Then I'll be doing something normal...like when I'm scrubbing the toilet, and I think to myself really I'm scrubbing the toilet...I have cancer this seems wrong.  But I guess someone has to do it :-)

This past week has been better than the week before even though I got sick twice. I think my tooth sometimes in hurting me more than anything else, I'm actually looking forward to my root canal on the 7th.  I hope I can make it that long.  Doing better eating and I have my second follow up with the oncologist tomorrow.  Hoping I get good results from my blood work.  Oh...if ever your wondering when I have my Dr appts usually if it is snowing...I have an appointment.  Had one today but needed to cancel since school got out early.

Had to take little Paul for an MRI at Children's last week, trying to rule out some issues he has been having with his stomach.  He has been having some issues for a few months now and has his own GI  specialist but since my diagnosis we are being a bit more aggressive to get to the bottom of his issues.  The MRI results all came back normal.  Poor guy needs to start taking some acid reflux medicine, and then in 8 weeks have an endoscopy done.  Now for those of you following along at home,  eight weeks from now is approximately when I need to go in for my surgery.  Paul's Dr. is going to work with us the best he can so that little Paul can have his endoscopy done before my surgery so I can be there for him.   Yup just keep piling it on...we can take it.
I'm coming up on the two week mark for where it is possible for me to start loosing my hair.  I must admit I'm nervous about it.  I'm sure it will be fine once it is all gone just need to make sure I take care of it right away once it does start falling out.  I'm nervous about eyebrows and eyelashes.  I have a hard enough time helping fill-in what I have for eyebrows now, and I've never worn false eyelashes, may need some guidance putting them on.  It will be an adjustment I'm sure.  I worry about how my son is going to react.  I'm sure he will be fine but I think he is concerned what other people will say or how his friends will react.   When i ask him about loosing all my hair he says he thinks it's "creepy".  Guess I'll have to work on that.

I'll keep you posted on my appt tomorrow...until then stay warm and safe.
XOXOX - B

Week One...DONE!!!

So it’s now been a few days since my last post.   I have been doing slightly better eating, getting in about 50g of protein a day, but believe me it has been a constant battle.

I was told it was a good idea to get your teeth cleaned before starting chemo so last Tuesday I had a cleaning done.  Well don’t you know that they find a “cavity”, one on a tooth that I know has been just crumbling apart,  think I may have been grinding my teeth a bit while in school last year.  So now  I’m being told that I need to get that tooth taken care of because it should be done before I have surgery, chance of infection, blah, blah, blah.    So I go back on Monday to have work started and don’t you know that now it has now turned into a root canal and crown.  Cause really nothing I want more these days then to help me pass the time then to sit in a dentist chair getting a root canal.    I think this whole scenario led to me getting sick for the first time on Monday, but I had made it 6 days!!!  It was actually not as bad as I thought it was going to be, I think sometimes feeling nausea is worse than actually just getting sick.  But as you can imagine not a pretty sight having your mouth all numbed up with novocaine and getting sick, it was pretty pathetic if I do say so myself.

I followed-up with the Oncologist today  which included my first blood work done since starting chemo.  I'm glad to say that I'm doing pretty good.  I only lost 4 lbs, which is not bad, and my labs were all good, iron slightly low.  I guess it is the second week of lab work that you really get a better picture of what the chemo is doing to all of your levels so next week is a bit more important.  While at MGH today also managed to get an appointment with an acupuncturist to meet with me during my next chemo treatment, I'm hoping this will help with the nausea. 

So many people have been so generous with their time providing protein tips, their cooking skills, carting my ass around, and just sending me well wishes....I need to make sure I say thank you…so Thank You all very much!    I struggle being on the receiving end of so much generosity and good will but at the same time know that I am so very lucky for the true friends and people who care about me that I have in my life.

XOXO
Barbara

Never would I have imagined...

One issue I've never ever dreamed that I would have is not having an appetite.  It has been so unbelievable hard to eat and get fluids in.  All those time I ever tried to help feed someone and said "oh come on...just a little more" ...let me tell you now..."I am so sorry". 

So today is the day they said I should be feeling the worst.  I'm trying not to give into it but it is a struggle.  I'm not giving up yet...way to early for that...I'm determined to give this a good fight but I'm honestly suprised how quickly I got knocked down on my ass.  I'm supposed to eat 100g of protein a day....do you know how hard that is?  If anyone has any ideas or tips in how I can squeeze more in please feel free to share I am open to suggestions.  I'm looking for small quantity that packs a lot of protein (not just powered stuff).  I tried super hard yesterday and only got 33.5g in.  I can't wait for the freaky issues with my sensitivity to cold go away so I can have a huge strawberry bananna shake, but it has to be cold, drinking warm milkshakes is just wrong.

Poor little guy woke up at 3:30am sick last night and I had to send Dad in for Puke Patrol...I just couldn't do it.  I felt so bad not being able to be there for him, it really made me sad.  He is such a brave boy though and understands that I have to be careful about getting sick because the medicine not only kills my "bad cells" but also destroys my good ones making me weak and easier to get sick.  Still it's no fun not being able to take care of your only child when he needs you. 

My Mom is coming over today to visit... so I'm hoping that alone will make me feel better.  Of course she says she is going to come over to help clean, maybe do some laundry, just generally get things done around the house. So what have I been doing...yup..trying to clean and get things done around the house before she gets here.    One of my "nursing" friends is also supposed to be coming over later on for tea on her way to work today which I'm really looking forward to as well. 

Ohhh before I forget again too, I need to say thank you to my dear friend Kelli who helped make this blog look much better than I could have done on my own.  Thanks so much Kelli for all of your beautiful design elements and for letting me use the laptop so I can travel/blog,  which by the way is connected to the internet again thanks to my hubby.

Thats it for now...need to muster up the strength to actually go and eat something and take a shower.  I have at least been drinking a Carnation Instant Breakfast while writing this, don't be too jealous..its 14g of protein :-) 

Have a Great Weekened Everyone!!!   Barbara

1st Day of Chemo Follow Up

Things didn’t go quite as I had planned yesterday.  I might as well warn you that I’m not going to sugar coat anything and if that is going to turn you off from reading this well…then I'm sorry but so be it.  But I’ve asked my Dr.s to all be very straight forward with me and that is what I plan on doing when I talk or write about this.  

Maureen and I made it right on time to our appointment yesterday.  Notice I say “our” because the poor thing has agreed to go to all my chemo appointments, hee, hee, hee.  We had a nice corner area over looking the Charles River right at Longfellow Bridge, it was a beautiful day.  You are assigned the same nurse for all your Chemo treatments and I have a very wonderful nurse assigned to me.  They used my newly acquired super power; ok the power port in my chest to draw bloods, but super power sounds so much cooler.  I’m assuming that at one time or another we’ve all had blood drawn and let me tell you she already had like two tubes filled before I realized she was even doing it, it was great.

OK so on to the treatment itself.  First I had to talk like 5-6 pills, mostly for nausea, I think, I was just trying to be very compliant and she said take these and I did.  Then the first chemo med was a push med which using a syringe she “pushed” into my power port over maybe 10 minutes or so.  Side note that this med also makes my pee orange, and my tears orange, just incase you wanted to know.  Next drug had to be infused into my chest over two hours.  It did not hurt at all, barely knew it was even there or going in.  Great, finished around 1pm…now lets get the hell out of here. 

Well we are not even out of the hospital and side-effects start hitting me.  First my voice starts acting all Bobby Brady and I have no control over it.  Then the big side effect – sensitivity to cold.  This one I think is going to put me over the edge.  By the time we got home to Bridgewater around 2:30ish this side effect was in full swing, more about that in a bit.  But for the most part once I was home I told Maureen to go home, that I was fine and was going to just go lay down until it was time to get Paul off the school bus. 

Well once she left things just went down hill….the big D hit me, and then the Nausea (but don’t worry just dry heaves, ughhhh)  Then remember that sensitivity to cold side-effect, I can’t touch anything even remotely cold.  Door knobs, faucet handle, toilet flush, oh my gosh the soap from the hand pump…brutal.  Can’t drink anything cold and all I want is ice chips and ginger-ale but it kills to try and drink.  To top it all off during this I’m sweating like a pig and nausea.  It was horrible. 

About 9pm I broke down and called the Dr. who amazing called me back in less than 5 minutes.  They were surprised at how fast things hit me, usually they say it takes 4-5 days so start feeling sick (so I guess I still have something to look forward to) but it may have just all been anxiety related.  Apparently no matter how much I’d like to think I’m in control and will tell myself that I am, my mind has a mind of its own and at some point will let that anxiety get to me. 

Feeling much much better today, big sissy came over and took very good care of me.  We’ll see what the next few days have in store. 

As always thanks for taking the time to read my story, I know lately they have been pretty long but I do think it is helpful for me to get this off of my chest.   Please don't be shy about leaving comments if you'd like.

Hugs and Kisses - Barbara

Chemo Starts 8am 01/19/11

I know that this is my 5^th post but it still so hard to really wrap my head around the fact that I have Cancer.  It feels strange even saying it.  I was talking to my husband on Thursday night telling him how  I can’t believe how happy I am that my cancer has not spread, yet at the same time I can’t believe how happy I am…and I still have cancer.  Does that make sense to anyone else? 

If you know me, you know my friend Maureen who will be with me as I get my 1^st treatment tomorrow.  As long as we don’t hear “Wind Beneath My Wings” on the radio on the way into MGH I’m very optimistic that we will both be strong.  

Thanks once again for all of the love and support. 

xoxoxox

Muddle through Together

Whoa, posting this blog address to folks on FB opened some flood gates of love and support, what a remarkable feeling.  It feels so weird to be on the receiving end of so much support and love and it is amazing, but at the same time it really plays with your head.  Is everyone being nice to me because they think I’m going to die?  I like to think that I always did my best to be a nice person but then you think there is no way I could have been nice enough to deserve all of this love from everyone.  It’s becoming clear to me for sure that the psychological aspects of this disease are going to be just as much of a challenge, if not more, than the physical ones.

Once you tell people that you are sick or have cancer everything changes.   I was the same way when someone I knew got sick.  You don’t know what to say, you’re afraid you’ll say the wrong thing.  Please know that I totally understand that, and unless it is some really off the wall comment I don’t want anyone to be afraid of talking to me or worried that that they will say the wrong thing.  This is just as new to me as it is to you so I’m just as confused as to how to deal with stuff too.   We’ll just have to muddle through together. 

Good News  - All bandages came off today!!

The End of a Crazy Week

So some people have been asking me how I knew something was wrong with my stomach.  Basically I have been losing weight and I was not really putting much effort into it.  Those of you who know me know I’ve always had a…umm let’s call it a “healthy” appetite and it shrank tremendously.  I thought it was all due to the stress of losing my job and being out of work, then nursing school, taking the boards, trying to find a job.  I truly thought that I had an ulcer.  I’ve been seeing my primary off and on about it since the end of the summer; they put me on prilosec thinking it was maybe acid reflux or something.  Pain started to get really bad in November so I made a call to the Drs. and I was told to double up on the prilosec. At this time I also made and appt to see a GI specialist, unfortunately the earliest they could see me was 01/18/11.  Went to my primary again on 12/22/10 and she thought it would be a good idea for me to get and endoscopy before I went to see the GI Dr. so that I had something to show him.  Well it just so happened that the same GI Dr. I was scheduled to see on 01/18/11 was available the very next day for the endoscopy (12/23) so I had it done then.  He immediately knew something was wrong when he saw the inside of my stomach, did some biopsies and also had me sent down for an abdominal cat scan the same day.  I did not have my follow up appt with him until after Christmas and then we had a snow storm and my appt was cancelled so I did not get the news until 12/29/10. 

Today I am wrapping up one freaking nutso week that’s for sure.  Left the house at 6:30 am today to go to MGH with my Auntie Ann.  Had the echocardiogram so that the Oncologist one, knows my heart can handle the chemo-cocktail mix he has planned for me and two, to have a baseline for future echos due to nasty side effects from the chemo.  Checked out the “Images” salon to get some info on wigs...which just seems so odd to me, it’s going to be strange to have to wear a wig.  I suppose I don’t have to wear a wig but we’ll see.  I’m thinking if I do either going to have long blond or red hair for a change.

Ann and I had some time to spare between appointments so we visited the Tranquility Garden they have at the hospital which was beautiful and so peaceful…I’m sure it will be even more amazing once the weather gets warmer.  It is on the 8^th floor and over looks the Charles River.  I’m sure it will be a nice retreat in-between future appointments. 

A little bit after noon time I went to get my “power port”, which I think kind of qualifies me to be in some sort of super hero classification.  I even got a special card to put on my key chain and one to carry in my wallet to notify others of my status.  Truth is I need this port so they don’t blow out my veins with the chemo medicine.  They don’t sedate you completely and I think I was awake half the time and the other half just resting my eyes.  I knew I was a bit out of it because I kept thinking I was seeing spiders crawling all over the place.  I didn’t think I was in there for too long but according to Ann it took two hours. 

This is probably a good time for me to warn those of you who have offered to come to appointments with me about the down time.  Hopefully I’ll be able to schedule my appointments better in the future.  I had a total of 5 this week but managed to only have to go in town 3 times so that is good but again there is a LOT of down time and a LOT of waiting around.  My poor sisters sat around for hours this week with me and Ann did the same thing today.  Of course I LOVE the company but don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

Next week is the follow-up with the Oncologist and the week 1 of 9 of my Chemo treatments.  Sorry this post is so long but I’m hoping to not post for a few days and just enjoy time with the family, and hopefully some friends, this weekend. 

Thank you all so much for all the prayers and love and support you’ve been sending my way.  I honestly believe that it makes a huge difference.  It feels strange to be on the receiving end of so much goodness, but it is wonderful.

What a Snow Day....

Had the Laparoscopy today.  My sisters drove me into Boston in the middle of the major snow storm.  Figuring it would take us a long time we left at 9am for my 12 noon appointment.  Well it only took us 30 minutes to get there, and then I was told no one had cancelled so my surgery would not be performed until 3pm.  My poor sisters had to sit around and wait for so long, I'm so grateful that I had them with me.  They tell me that it was all worth while because we received great news.  With my sisters by my side (my poor husband had the flu) we were told that it appears that the cancer has not spread outside of my stomach.  I cannot even begin to explain what a relief it was to hear that news come out of the Dr.s mouth, it was as if a HUGE weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.  My sisters even gave me a tiny tiara to celebrate!  I still have a long tough battle ahead of me but I now feel like I have a fighting chance...and let me tell you I'm going to fight like hell.  Cause after my next big surgery my sisters have told me they will get me an even bigger tiara!

Long Road Ahead

After being laid off in December of 2008 I decided to make a career change and go into nursing, something I have wanted to do for years.  I was accepted into a program and after a grueling year graduated and passed the “Nursing Boards” to officially become a Licensed Practical Nurse in August of 2010.  I was extremely excited for a new chapter in my life to begin with my new career as a nurse.  I had recently accepted a position at my dream job to provide Hospice and Palliative Care; however it appears that my next chapter is going to be as a patient. 

I was diagnosed with Gastric Cancer on December 29th.  The past week and a half have been head-spinning to say the least.  As of this moment the plan is to treat it very aggressively, which I will be doing at MGH. I won't bore you with all of the details now (but I might later so consider yourself warned), but the next week and a half are going to be crazy.

 

I am so very grateful for the people I have in my life and I know it will be a huge factor in getting me and my family though the next few months.  I’ve always considered myself a pretty tough cookie and rest assured I’m going to put up a good fight.  I truly believe in the power of positive thinking and that laughter is the best medicine.  I know that I’m in the best position I can be because I am so fortunate to be surrounded by an amazingly wonderful family, truly remarkable friends, and great neighbors.

I will do my best to keep everyone updated as to what is going on.  I’ve already realized that trying to call everyone to keep current is tremendously draining.  Between FB, Gmail, etc. it was getting to be a bit much.  My hopes are that with this blog I’ll have one central location to be able to keep you updated.  To be quite honest, I think that being able to write my thoughts out will also be very therapeutic for me. 

For now please know that me and my boys appreciate all of the love and support we are receiving.

Hugs and Kisses,

Barbara